


i never fucking learned how to read

by wonxas



Series: new phone who dis [4]
Category: Big Bang (Band), Day6 (Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, Red Velvet (K-pop Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Gen, Texting, but it’s just an sm haters chat, chat fic, i want fanfiction but their is none, i’m bored okay, red velvet is the best y’all can fight me im the waffle house parking lot, so you have to make it for yourself but, this is supposed to be leaders chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-01-17 19:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12372441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonxas/pseuds/wonxas
Summary: big success: drink water not alcohol(this was say aye if you agree)





	1. Sm Haters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **up:** im kris and idk why i’m here
> 
>  **jiyongie:** you did used to be exo-m’s leader
> 
>  **flower:** i hate sm why did i join the company i should take my girls and leave
> 
>  **up:** be careful what you say in public irene
> 
> _[ **up** changed their name to **sm hater** ]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im getting into girl groups do you see (ﾉ･ｪ･)ﾉ
> 
> un-beta’ed

**defsoul added big success, asleep, jiyongie, up, water boy, that builder, and flower to leafers**

**defsoul:** jaebums coming s h i t

**big success:** jackson just can’t stop smh

**defsoul:** what did jackson do

**defsoul:** cats save me

**water boy:** weird

**up:** weird

**water boy:** yifan

**up:** junmyeon

**that builder:** …

**flower:** …

**asleep:** …

**defsoul:** …

**big success:** …

**jiyongie:** …

**water boy:** wait a second

**asleep:** jiyongie

**defsoul:** jiyong

**that builder:** kwon jiyong

**flower:** g-dragon

**big success:** leader of bigbang

**jiyongie:** i thought this was a group full of leaders but i guess i’m wrong

**jiyongie:** seungri’s gonna laugh at me （−＿−；）

**up:** heyyyy

**jiyongie:** heyyyy

**jiyongie:** please solve your sexual tension with junmyeon please kris

**jiyongie:** say aye if you agree

**defsoul:** aye

**asleep:** aye

**flower:** aye

**big success:** aye

**that builder:** aye

**jiyongie:** while they do that, i’m jiyong big bangs leader!!! you maybe know me as gd but call me jiyong ʕ•͡•ʔ

**that builder:** im sungjin from day6 

**flower:** irene from red velvet (*  >ω<)

**asleep:** namjoon from bts

**flower:** why’s your name asleep??

**big success:** vernon

**big success:** im seungcheol seventeens main leader

_[ **asleep** changed their name to **middle man** ]_

**defsoul:** nice

**defsoul:** im jaebum, got7’s leader begrudgingly

**water boy:** im junmyeon, exos leader and kris’ boyfriend

**up:** im kris and idk why i’m here

**jiyongie:** you did used to be exo-m’s leader

**flower:** i hate sm why did i join the company i should take my girls and leave

**up:** be careful what you say in public irene

_[ **up** changed their name to **sm hater** ]_

**sm hater:** we all hate sm smh

**flower:** smh

**water boy:** smh

**jiyongie:** smh

**that builder:** smh

**middle man:** smh

**defsoul:** smh

**big success** : smh

**water boy:** Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see Jumped out of bed and I ran outside Feeling so ecstatified It's the best day ever (Best day ever) It's the best day ever (Best day ever) I'm so busy got nothing to do Spent the last two hours just tying my shoe Every flower, every grain of sand Is reaching out to shake my hand It's the best day ever (Best day ever) It's the best day ever (Best day ever) Sometimes the little things start closing in on me When I'm feeling down I wanna lose that frown I stick my head out the window and I look around Those clouds don't scare me, they can't disguise This magic that's happening right before my eyes Soon Mr. Moon will be shining bright So the best day ever can last all night Yes, the best day ever's gonna last all night now It's the day ever (Best day ever) It's the best day ever (Best day ever) It's the best day ever (Best day ever) It's the best day ever (Best day ever) Best day ever Best day ever

**water boy:** the day sm doesn’t treat their artists like shit

**jiyongie:** preach

**sm hater:** preach

**big success:** preach

**defsoul:** preach

**middle man:** preach

**flower:** preach

**that builder:** preach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hate sm entertainment


	2. Smarties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **water boy:** why am i always up early when we don’t have promotions smh
> 
> **middle man:** idk man
> 
> **water boy:** like i’m gay i don’t deserve this slander
> 
> **water boy:** my gay agendas being ruined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can admit my faults guys dont judge me smh

_{leafers}  
[9:32]_

**water boy:** why am i always up early when we don’t have promotions smh

 **middle man:** idk man

**water boy:** like i’m gay i don’t deserve this slander

**water boy:** my gay agendas being ruined

**middle man:** i feel you

**middle man:** did you hear

**middle man:** two neutron stars fused together like 130 million years ago and scientists are going crazy over it

**water boy:** it’s so fucking cool

**middle man:** what chu bring for halloween

**middle man:** im being dat spooky pumpkin man

**middle man:** or barney

**water boy:** the godfather

**middle man:** mafia boss y e s

**water boy:** y e s

**water boy:** this is for you bro

**water boy:** Spooky scary skeletons Send shivers down your spine Shrieking skulls will shock your soul Seal your doom tonight Spooky scary skeletons Speak with such a screech You'll shake and shudder in surprise When you hear these zombies shriek We're so sorry skeletons You're so misunderstood You only want to socialize But I don't think we should Cause spooky scary skeletons Shout startling shrilly screams They'll sneak from their sarcophagus And just won't leave you be Spirits supernatural Are shy whats all the fuss But bags of bones seem so unsafe It's semi-serious! Spooky scary skeletons Are silly all the same They'll smile and scrabble slowly by And drive you so insane Sticks and stones will break your bones They seldom let you snooze Spooky scary skeletons Will wake you with a boo

**middle man:** bro

_[ **middle man** changed their name to **pumpkin man** ]_

_[ **water boy** changed their name to **the godfather** ]_

**pumpkin man:** i’d find demons with you any day

 **the godfather:** buzzfeed unsolved

**the godfather:** im more of a shane

**pumpkin man:** good thing i’m ryan than

**the godfather:** y e s

**pumpkin man:** y e s

**pumpkin man:** you want to go hang at the halloween place 

**the godfather:** hell yes

**the godfather:** i need to escape my ten kids

**pumpkin man:** i thought tao and luhan left

**the godfather:** tao still can’t shower alone so he has to live with us smh

**the godfather:** luhan’s just… there

**the godfather:** and kris is always in america smh

**pumpkin man:** smh

**pumpkin man:** i see you

**pumpkin man:** the one in a poor costume

**the godfather:** fuck off

**pumpkin man:** reaching a feet of 173 cm 

**pumpkin man:** w o w 

**the godfather:** b i t c h

**pumpkin man:** they already have it costumes smh

**the godfather:** that was a cinematographic masterpiece

**the godfather:** you saw it with me smh

**pumpkin man:** shut up

**the godfather:** i wish i could be dead for halloween

**the godfather:** i can’t bc youcan’t be something you already are :)

**pumpkin man:** very passive aggressive

**pumpkin man:** 11/10 would smash if not in committed relationship with jesus

**the godfather:** i get chu

**the godfather:** jesus is the real father 

**pumpkin man:** Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

I have a friend in Jesus.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

 

He taught me how to live, my life as it should be.

He taught me how to turn my cheek when people laugh at me.

I've had friends before, and I can tell you that, He's one who will never leave you flat.

 

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

I have a friend in Jesus.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

 

He taught me how to pray, and how to save my soul.

He taught me how to praise my God and still play rock and roll.

The music may sound different but the message is the same.

It's just the instruments who praise His name.

 

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

I have a friend in Jesus.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

 

Funky guitar riff

 

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

 

Once I tried to run, I tried to run and hide.

But Jesus came and found me and He touched me down inside.

He is like mountie, He always gets His man, and He'll zap you any way he can.

Zap.

 

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

I have a friend in Jesus.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

 

He loves me when I'm right, He loves me when I'm wrong.

He loves me when I waste my time by writing silly songs.

He loves me when I'm quiet and I have nothing to say.

He'll love me when I'm perfect if I ever get that way.

Whooo! 

 

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

I have a friend in Jesus.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

Jesus is my friend.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

I have a friend in Jesus.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

J-J-J-Jesus.

Jesus is a friend of mine.

**pumpkin man:** as i copy and pasted that, junmyeon ran down the aisle screaming and i quote

**pumpkin man:** “i have the power of god and kpop on my side! don’t mess with me”

**pumpkin man:** oh sHiT

**the godfather:** we got kick out lol

**the godfather:** to the next shall we

****

**pumpkin man:** i mean i have nothing better to do 

****

**the godfather:** fuck off man 

****

**the godfather:** i just realized 

****

**the godfather:** idols tend to use song lyrics when they run out of this to say 

****

**the godfather:** or maybe it's just the author losing their creative streak 

****

**pumpkin man** : w h a t 

****

**pumpkin man:** what do you mean author 

****

**the godfather:** nvm 

****

**pumpkin man:** what do you mean!!! 

****

**the godfather:** sm expects me to keep up with this shit mhm 

****

**pumpkin man:** well i’m not halloween jumping with you anymore 

****

**the godfather:** bye then bitch 

****

**pumpkin man:** bye whore

****

****

_[10:49]_

**flower:** what??? why were you up at 9 am halloween jumping ???

 **sm hater:** it’s okay joohyun 

********

**sm hater:** nobody knows 

********

**sm hater:** just like how nobody knows why i left exo 

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they have a love hate relationship don't sleep on them


	3. Cuties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **jiyongie:** cars coming to pick y’all up boys 
> 
> **defsoul:** i can speak for all of us that we are ready
> 
>  **flower:** ???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel sick so this is all y’all are getting smh 
> 
> also to day6 for ruining my life i really appreciate y’all are great
> 
> sorry it’s short read up smh
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{leafers}  
[4:30]_

**flower:** don’t you just love seeing people dance

 **flower:** it’s amazing how their mood can drastically change 

**flower:** if they’re feeling bad and start to dance they feel better

 **flower:** being around people you love also helps

 **flower:** all of my members are out on solo promotions

 **jiyongie:** cars coming to pick y’all up boys 

**defsoul:** i can speak for all of us that we are ready

 **flower:** ???

_[ **that builder** changed the chat name to **joohyun appreciation squad** ]_

**flower:** !!!

 **sm hater:** fuck sm

 **sm hater:** you’re great and i love you

 **the godfather:** joohyun i love you !!!

 **the godfather:** you’re doing great and you deserve the world

 **flower:** omg is that you guys !!!!!

 **middle man:** y e s

 **middle man:** because we love you !!!

 **big success:** We don't care if you only love we  
We don't care if you only love we  
We love you, we love you, and we hope  
That you will love we too  
We love they, we love they, and  
We want you to love they too  
Ah  
We don't care if you hound we and  
Love is all around we  
Love can't get our minds off  
We love you, we love you  
You will never win we  
Your uniforms don't fit we  
We forget the place we're in  
'Cause we love you  
We love you, of course, we do  
I love you, I love you  
And I hope that you won't prove wrong too  
We love you, we do, we love you, we do

 **flower:** ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

 **flower:** i love you all!!!!!

 **that builder:** rom-comes and cuddles? 

**flower:** aye !

 **jiyongie:** aye

 **big success:** aye ʕ·͡ˑ·ཻʔ

 **the godfather:** aye

 **sm hater:** aye

 **middle man:** aye

 **defsoul:** aye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lu just came on and i had to put my headphones in bc my brothers home smh


	4. i’m sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **jiyongie:** don’t joke about this
> 
> **defsoul:** it’s jinyoung and he’s not
> 
> **defsoul:** everyone’s crying 
> 
> **defsoul:** im crying too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm i’m sorry if this seems half assed because it is im just tired and candy or coffee doesn’t work so i’m really sorry for not updating my other fics so i’ll tey to get that done
> 
> also i’m sorry in advanced i cried while writing this
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{leafers}  
[20:30]_

**defsoul:** i just watched a sad movie

 **jiyongie:** what movie

**defsoul:** You know, there's nothing like the experience...  
of raising your first dog.  
Simple joy of walking side by side  
with your buddy out in the fresh air...  
throwin' a stick.  
Spending some quiet time-  
just you and your very best friend.  
Of course, that wasn't my experience.  
That kid's not even me.  
That's me, and that crazy hound  
I'm chasing is Marley...  
\- the world's worst dog-  
\- Sorry!  
\- Or so I thought.  
\- Marley!  
But our story begins  
before Marley was born-  
Four years before,  
on my wedding day-  
which also happened to be the day  
of the worst freak spring blizzard...  
in the history of southern Michigan.  
Same day our car broke down.  
We didn't care.  
Ooh. God, that feels so good.  
Ohh!  
Wow. So, what do you think-  
What do you think that means-  
a blizzard on your wedding day?  
Is that good luck?  
Is that bad luck?  
I think- I think it's good luck.  
\- How did I get you?  
\- What?  
No, honestly. How did I-  
How did I get that lucky?  
Well, you know...  
I get asked that question all the time.  
Come on.  
Are you kidding, honey?  
You're part of the plan.  
\- The plan?  
\- Mm-hmm. My plan. Step one-  
Meet an incredibly sweet,  
smart, sexy man.  
Done. Step two?  
Marry you instead.  
Oh, now-And step three-  
\- No, I don't think I can take any more steps.  
\- You don't wanna hear step three?  
\- Yeah. What's step three?  
\- It's easy.  
\- Be gentle.  
\- Move someplace warmer.  
I knew you were gonna say that.  
Shiny, happy people laughing  
Meet me in the crowd  
People, people  
Throw your love around  
Love me, love me  
Take it into town  
Happy, happy  
Put it in the ground  
Where the flowers grow  
Gold and silver shine  
Shiny, happy people  
holding hands  
Shiny, happy people  
\- Thank you.  
\- All right, you know you got this, right?  
\- Oh, yeah. I got it.  
\- Who are you?  
\- I'm John Grogan?  
\- No, you'reJohn friggin' Grogan...  
who's about to get  
a job as a reporter...  
for a major metropolitan newspaper.  
\- Mmm. Mmm.  
\- Good. Good. But now I don't feel like getting out of the car.  
\- You have to. No, baby.  
\- Maybe we'll just drive around the block.  
Come on, get out of the car. Get out.  
\- Now, who am I again?  
\- Oh, please.  
Sebastian says you won some kind of award.  
Mitchie. I have a Mitchie.  
It's like a Pulitzer,  
but from western Michigan.  
A Mitchie.  
So, tell me-What made you  
leave the estimable...  
Kalamazoo Gazette?  
Well, as you know, Sebastian  
and I were in college together...  
And he w- He was-  
He was always saying  
how great south Florida is...  
and that maybe my wife and I might enjoy it  
here, so we decided to come down here.  
\- Are you a comedian too?  
\- Excuse me?  
Like your friend over here.  
\- No.  
\- He's walking a very thin line.  
It's a good thing he knows how to write.  
So your wife is Jenny Havens?  
Yes. Jenny Grogan-  
'Cause we're married. She took my name.  
\- She get the job at the Post?  
\- Yes, she did.  
\- Why didn't they want you over there?  
\- Well, I didn't apply.  
Jenny's more of a feature writer...  
and I'm more of  
a straight news writer.  
\- I thought this would be a better fit for that.  
\- You think you're better...  
than the six journalism school graduates  
that came here looking for work this morning?  
I don't know if I'm better. L-  
What I do know is that I have  
a tendency to surprise myself.  
Ten years ago I was doing bong hits  
and playing Donkey Kong.  
I never dreamed  
I'd get into college, but I did...  
and I graduated with honors.  
And I never thought I'd get a job  
at a real newspaper, but I did.  
And I certainly never thought  
I'd get a girl...  
likeJenny Havens  
to marry me, but I did.  
\- So?  
\- They've already got a guy on the metro desk.  
Yeah.  
\- I'm sorry, honey.  
\- Mmm. So they're putting me on a little thing...  
they like to call Desert Storm.  
\- You got the job?  
\- I got the job.  
You got the job, baby! Ooh!  
John Grogan, I knew it!  
I just knew it! Okay, Look.  
Watch this. Look.  
See what happens?  
"Job. Done. "  
\- Okay, so what's next? Lunch?  
\- House.  
\- House.  
\- House.  
...planes that can  
transmit remote television pictures...  
of Iraqi ships and other targets.  
Did- Did you get to the quote  
about the speed bumps yet?  
\- "'Lf they save even one life"'-  
\- "'... it would be worth it. '  
And with that, Jan Dickerson's eyes  
filled with tears. "  
\- Filled with tears.  
\- You like that?  
\- Or is it too corny?  
\- Yeah. No.  
Is it a little over the top?  
Hey, honey, what happened  
to the, uh- the Desert Storm piece?  
\- That's it. The injured girl's dad's in Kuwait.  
\- Oh.  
\- Is that not in there?  
\- Uh-  
Uh-uh. I think they cut that.  
They-They spelled your name wrong.  
\- "John Gorgon. "  
\- You're kidding. Let me see that.  
\- Forget it.  
\- Are you joking?  
Forget it. You know what?  
It's good. It's really good.  
It's got the facts.  
It's got color.  
\- It's a really solid piece.  
\- Thanks.  
Well, I mean, I tried to breathe  
some life into it, you know-  
\- Yes.  
\- I like this article. I'm almost done with yours.  
This idea of voting machines  
sounds really efficient.  
Well, when you get  
to the next page, you'll see...  
\- that I talk about what could happen.  
\- Hey, it- Oh, okay. I see.  
\- It continues.  
\- Yeah.  
But actually, the rest of it...  
is really just okay.  
\- It's actually kind of boring.  
\- No, no. L- It's-  
\- I'm enjoying this.  
\- Mmm.  
Wow. They really gave you  
a lot of space.  
Oh, damn. Killed another one.  
How am I ever supposed to take care of  
a kid if I can't even keep a plant alive?  
Well, what'd you expect, man?  
You bought a house-  
A house with a spare room.  
What's the matter with a spare room?  
It's empty, John, that's what's wrong  
with it. You know what else is empty?  
Her womb.  
\- I'm just worried thatJenny's at, like, step seven.  
\- What?  
She's got her whole life  
organized and planned out...  
\- according to these steps.  
\- Okay, that's scary.  
Unbelievable.  
You want my advice? Get her, like, a bird.  
Or a puppy or something.  
\- A parakeet or something?  
\- Something other than you that she has to take care of.  
You got a kid, you're a dad.  
You're not you anymore.  
\- You got a dog, you're a-  
\- Master.  
\- You're still a guy.  
\- Still got a life.  
\- Exactly.  
\- And a dog.  
Yeah, but you've stopped  
her clock for a few years.  
\- I've never had a dog.  
\- There's nothin' to it. You feed 'em.  
You walk 'em. You let 'em out  
every now and again.  
But it doesn't really matter. You're not  
the one that's gonna take care of it, Jenny is.  
\- Sebastian!  
\- Yo.  
Your travel's been approved.  
Hit the road.  
\- Where you goin'?  
\- I'm going to Colombia.  
I got a guy down there says he can  
put me next to Pablo Escobar.  
I'm doin' a piece-  
I follow a single coca leaf from  
the jungle to the streets of Miami.  
That sounds like a good idea.  
You gotta be careful down there-  
\- Gorman!  
\- G-Grogan.  
Groden. There's a fire  
in the county dump-  
\- Methane leak.  
\- Methane?  
Yeah. I want two paragraphs  
for the Blotter.  
Methane. Woodward  
and Bernstein, eat your heart out.  
What kind of dog?  
\- You remember Caroline?  
\- The nurse?  
She was a nursery school teacher.  
I don't know.  
Anyway, she had  
this great dog- Daisy.  
It was a Labradoodle.  
Labradoodle? You mean a Labrador.  
All right. Get her a Labrador.  
Supposed to bejust like kids,  
only easier to train.  
Labradoodle? Come on.  
This does not smell like an I HOP.  
I know. We got a little surprise first.  
\- Here we go. Now, I want you to walk right here, my dear.  
\- Okay.  
\- Come on.  
\- Oh, God.  
Okay.  
\- You Grogan?  
\- Yes.  
\- Expected you an hour ago.  
\- You're gonna like this.  
Okay, step up. Sorry.  
Sorry about the mess-  
\- And the noise and the smell.  
\- What's happening?  
Come on.  
\- Can I look?  
\- No, no. Just-Almost. Almost.  
\- Okay. Okay. Ready?  
\- Really?  
One, two, three. Go.  
Happy birthday.  
What?  
God, they're adorable.  
Oh, my- My birthday's  
not for a month.  
That's okay. They can't leave  
for three weeks anyway.  
\- We didn't discuss this.  
\- I know, but it's a surprise. You can't.  
\- Hi, guys.  
\- Just adopted the mom last month.  
Family that gave her up didn't  
even know she was pregnant.  
\- Are you sure we're ready for this?  
\- Well, like I told you...  
you gotta wait three weeks for them to  
be weaned before you can bring 'em home.  
\- I'm not even gonna be here.  
\- Why?  
\- I'll be in Gainesville, covering that trial.  
\- Oh, that's right.  
That's okay. It'll give me  
a chance to bond with him...  
\- and get a head start on training 'im-  
\- That's true.  
\- Get 'im squared away before you get home.  
\- That's true.  
\- Well, how are we gonna pick one?  
\- Girls are 300.  
Boys are 275.  
Except for that little guy there.  
Him you could have for 200 even.  
This one? You're so sweet.  
You're like a little clearance puppy.  
\- Hello, puppy.  
\- This one likes you.  
Clearance Puppy likes you.  
\- Well, that's your guy.  
\- Aw.  
I was gonna pick you anyway.  
Don't tell anybody.  
Don't tell the others.  
We gotta double-time itjust a little here, honey.  
\- Really wish I didn't have to go.  
\- Are you kidding me?  
It's gonna be great.  
You spent eight months on this trial.  
\- Honestly, I'm jealous.  
\- Really?  
Tax evasion? That's what  
makes you jealous?  
Well, it's sexier than speed bumps.  
\- Okay, you call me the minute you get him home.  
\- Okay. Okay.  
\- We also have to come up with a name for him.  
\- Yes. Let's brainstorm it.  
I'll just call him Clearance Puppy  
till you get back.  
\- Are you gonna be okay?  
\- You're worried about me with a puppy?  
\- I am.  
\- Me, John friggin' Grogan?  
\- I know.  
\- Good-bye. I love you. You look pretty.  
\- Thank you. I love you. Bye.  
\- Okay. Bye.  
How ya doin' there, buddy?  
Kind of a big day for you.  
Let's listen to the radio.  
Awkward silences.  
\- One love  
\- You like that? You like Bob Marley?  
\- Let's get together and  
\- Bob. That be a good name?  
\- Feel all right  
\- Bob. Bob. Come here, Bob. Or Robert?  
When you got older.  
More dignified.  
\- The children cryin'  
\- Marley?  
\- Sayin'give thanks and praise  
\- You like that.  
That has a nice ring to it.  
\- Feel all right  
\- Okay. Whoa.  
It's better if you ride shotgun.  
\- Because we don't wanna have a car crash-  
\- And feel all right  
our first real day together.  
Let them all pass all their  
Dirty remarks  
\- Okay, come here. Come here.  
\- There is one question  
It's a big day. You can ride over here.  
Maybe it's okay today.  
Just this one time.  
We get pulled over, we explain-  
We explain what  
the circumstances are.  
To save his own beliefs  
One love-  
\- What happened?  
\- The Millers got robbed.  
Again? Good thing I got a watchdog.  
Hey, buddy. He's got some teeth.  
Oh, yeah.  
I'll get him some water.  
You're not gonna keep him  
in the backyard, are you?  
I'm gonna keep him in the garage  
till I get him house trained.  
\- Hmm.  
\- No, Marley, Marley, Marley. No, no.  
No, no, no, no.  
You've had enough food, Marley.  
You've had two bowls ofkibble.  
You had half a seat belt in the car.  
Huh. H-How are you still eating?  
I don't understand where  
you can put it.  
Here's the little box where  
Marley's gonna bunk down.  
Pretty cozy.  
All right. Good night.  
You're gonna be okay.  
I'm just right inside.  
Sleep tight.  
All right.  
Come on, Marley.  
You're killin' me, you know that?  
Oh, we got some cleanin' up  
to do before the missus gets back.  
All right.  
I'm off to the airport...  
and you're gonna ride out  
the rain right in your little box.  
It's just a little thunder.  
Back in a flash.  
\- Get in. Here.  
\- Oh, my God!  
\- Oh!  
\- Aaah.  
\- Hi.  
\- How are you?  
\- How's my puppy?  
\- I'm okay.  
A little tired, but trying to stay dry.  
\- No, really. How is he?  
\- Waiting for you.  
Do you hear that?  
Is that- I think that's Marley.  
Oh, my God.  
Oh, my God. Look at this!  
This is not how I left it.  
\- How long did you leave him?  
\- I left him for maybe an hour.  
Tops. Did he eat the drywall?  
\- Oh, that's not right.  
\- Wow.  
That's one little dog did that.  
Oh, honey, you're shaking.  
Does thunder scare you, mister?  
Oh, ho. Sweet boy.  
Oh, look at us.  
So I'm in this cave and-  
and I can feel the machine guns.  
There's, like, nine of them around me.  
\- What, like AK-47 s?  
\- Kalashnikov.  
\- And then Escobar comes in and says-  
\- Escobar?  
El Padrino-Yeah. He says,  
"I read your piece on Gadhafi...  
and I think you captured  
his narcissism perfectly. "  
\- Can you believe that?  
\- Some of it.  
Man, I wish you  
could have been there.  
But then who's gonna cover the power  
struggle down at the Rotary Club in Delray?  
Oh, it's been just crazy.  
\- Your time will come, amigo.  
\- I'll drink to that.  
That was crazy. Oh, my God.  
\- Oh, my God!  
\- That is the cutest thing I've ever seen.  
\- Hey.  
\- Say hello, Marley.  
\- Hey, little Marley.  
\- Can I hold him?  
Of course. Here you go.  
\- He's so cute.  
\- Oh, I love their puppy breath.  
Oh. Have you guys met my buddy Sebastian?  
Sebastian. Viviana.  
Nice to meet you.  
\- Hi. I'm Shannon.  
\- Hey, he's a beauty, isn't he?  
\- He's adorable.  
\- I think the "puppy instead of a baby" idea is working.  
\- Yeah, it's certainly working for me.  
\- Can I take him home with me?  
You're so cute. Yes, you are.  
I can't let you have the puppy, but  
you might have a shot with the big dog.  
\- I'm easy.  
\- Oh, you're easy.  
And I do tricks.  
I'm paper trained.  
Marley! Marley!  
\- Come back, puppy.  
\- Marley! Marley!  
Marley!  
Marley. Marley!  
\- Marley!  
\- Puppy!  
\- Got him. Thanks.  
\- You have got to be more careful, man.  
It's our first week together,  
so we're still working out the kinks.  
You really shouldn't bring a dog  
down to the dog beach until he's trained.  
Okay, can I get the dog back?  
Never let him off leash  
unless you have complete confidence.  
\- Okay.  
\- This is the only beach in two counties...  
\- where dogs aren't banned.  
\- All right.  
Cops see anybody peeing or pooping  
down by the water, they'll shut us down.  
Why is that funny to you?  
I'm just very immature.  
Calvin!  
See? Aren't you glad  
you're not Calvin?  
See how easy you got it?  
Marley, stop!  
Marley. Marley.  
Honey, the dog's got my-  
Marley, no.  
Marley, you can't go  
through a screen door.  
We're rockin'the suburbs  
Around the block  
just one more time  
We're rockin'the suburbs  
\- We part the shades and face some facts  
\- Happy Thanksgiving.  
\- You too.  
\- They got better looking fescue  
Marley!  
It just seems like  
that there's other guys.  
\- Like, I don't understand why you thought of me.  
\- I'm in a bind.  
Yeah, but I'm a reporter.  
I'm not a columnist.  
John, you get better pay...  
you can pick your own hours  
and choose your own topics.  
\- Why are you hesitating?  
\- No, I'm thinking.  
No, you're hesitating. I'm offering you  
a promotion, and you're hesitating.  
I never saw myself as a columnist.  
Well, think of it as one of those times  
when you surprise yourself.  
\- Okay.  
\- John, it's only a couple of times a week...  
till I get a replacement forJerry.  
Then you can go back to doing  
whatever the hell it was you were doing.  
\- What were you doing?  
\- Obituaries, methane leaks.  
\- Are you okay with this?  
\- Yes.  
\- You don't seem very thrilled.  
\- No, it's a promotion.  
\- We could take away the raise in pay if you like.  
\- No, no. I'm-Thank you.  
All right. Now you're talking.  
Go on. Get to work.  
Oh! Marley. I think  
he dislocated my shoulder.  
God. He doesn't even heel.  
He doesn't walk.  
He just sprints.  
Marley- God.  
Marley, stop.  
I had to pull him  
off three dogs today.  
\- Poodles?  
\- Among others.  
I say we give him away to a farm.  
Isn't that usually what you do  
with dogs that are out of control?  
Well, usually you-  
Usually you train them.  
Or you train 'em.  
Come on. Down. Go on.  
What are you doing?  
Arnie gave me a column.  
Are you kidding?  
Baby, that's great.  
Oh, yeah. It's a big honor.  
I get to write about zoning laws...  
and give my opinion on yard sales.  
Whoa. Down, boy.  
Easy with the enthusiasm.  
Well, no, it's just, I don't even read  
this crap when other people write it.  
Now I'm supposed to, you know,  
write two columns a week?  
And you got nothin'for Tuesday.  
No. I got nothin' for Tuesday.  
I bet you're gonna  
think of something.  
Now, see, this gives me a little  
inspiration, but it's not for a column.  
It's more like-  
Look at Marley.  
Now he's eating the floor.  
Marley, stop.  
Marley, you're incorrigible.  
Incorrigible? I don't believe in that word.  
Every dog wants to learn.  
Hey, come here, baby.  
Yes, you're a good girl.  
You're a good girl.  
Yes, you are.  
'Course, they can't learn  
if their parents are weak-willed.  
Yeah. Well, I'm pretty  
strong-willed, but-  
\- Marley-  
\- Say hello to Marley.  
So which of you is gonna be the trainer?  
Well, we both thought we would, 'cause  
we'd like him to listen to both of us at home.  
\- We're married too. Yeah.  
\- No, no, no, no.  
A dog can only have one master.  
Which one of you has the most natural  
authority in your own relationship?  
Well, maybe I'll stand  
over there for the beginning.  
I thought so. Shall we?  
\- Geez!  
\- All right, sit.  
Sit. Sit.  
Sit. Marley.  
Okay. Marley- Marley, sit.  
This, class, is a classic example of a dog...  
who has foolishly been  
allowed to believe...  
he is the alpha male of the pack...  
and therefore, he can never be a happy animal.  
Yeah. He looks pretty miserable.  
You, joker, rotate in.  
And lose the sunglasses.  
Dog likes to be  
looked at in the eye.  
\- Jawohl.  
\- I got it.  
\- Okay.  
\- Okay. You got him?  
\- Yeah.  
\- Okay.  
So. Collar your dogs.  
Good boy.  
All right, dogs on the left.  
On the count of three.  
One, two, three. Let's go.  
Very nice. Very good.  
Good.  
\- Hey!  
\- Correct him!  
\- Whoa!  
\- Rein in that dog.  
All right. All right, class.  
Come on. Let's line up again.  
Class, it's a simple question  
of having confidence...  
in your own authority.  
I shall now demonstrate a simple walk.  
All right?  
Mr. Grogan?  
\- Sorry.  
\- May I?  
All right, even an unruly dog...  
likes to obey his leader.  
Marley, heel.  
Yeah.  
Marley. Marley!  
Marley! Marley!  
Marley.  
Careful. Marley, no!  
Marley!  
Aaah! That's it. He is out.  
Sorry. Usually he does this with poodles.  
That dog is a bad influence on the others.  
Now, leg humping is like a virus.  
Once it takes hold of the group- No.  
\- Okay.  
\- He has got to go.  
It was maybe your hair.  
\- Reminded him of a poodle.  
\- Never bring him back.  
Right from the beginning  
she had me in her sights.  
\- I know. She really did.  
\- Marley wouldn't take any of her crap.  
That's why he got kicked out.  
You are now the world's worst dog.  
You've been kicked out  
of obedience school.  
You know, there is  
something else that we could do.  
No, I know. We just-We get a-  
No. No, no, no, no, no.  
I'm smiling, but I'm serious. No.  
It's not gonna be so bad, buddy.  
You'll see. Sex is overrated.  
Aw, I can't tell you that,  
'cause you know it's a lie.  
Poor son of a bitch.  
Okay. You wanna come up?  
Yeah. That's the least I can do.  
\- Marley!  
\- Get a little fresh air.  
Oh, gosh. It's like he's  
walking the plank.  
I mean, that's what  
breaks my heart, is he's so happy.  
\- He doesn't know what's coming.  
\- Honey, he's gonna be fine.  
\- Oh, no, no, no. That makes me nervous.  
\- He's okay.  
He's just getting a little air.  
It's like Of Mice and Men.  
\- No, Marley-  
\- Oh, John, please-  
\- Oh, my God.  
\- He's makin' a break for it.  
He's onto our evil plan.  
\- Pull over.  
\- I can't stop here. I can't.  
\- Honey, pull over.  
\- I'm trying to. There's a ton of traffic.  
\- Pull over!  
\- All right, all right. All right.  
\- Jesus.  
\- I need a little help here.  
Hey, get a leash.  
\- Shut up.  
\- He's losing his balls today. Cut him some slack.  
You got him? Careful. Careful.  
This is a rough draft, 'cause I'd like  
to take another pass at it.  
You know, the beginning,  
I think I might want-  
I think we can maybe lose that,  
'cause I think it gets a little bit "jokey. "  
I just reread it, and I didn't think  
it really worked at all. I'm sorry.  
\- I'm gonna go back and do the zoning piece.  
\- Wait. Wait a minute.  
What are you apologizing for?  
This stuff is hysterical.  
\- Really?  
\- I'm laughing my head off at this.  
The-The getting kicked out  
of obedience school...  
the humping, the great escape-  
That's really funny stuff.  
I'm laughing my ass off.  
It's hysterical stuff.  
Run it- the way it is.  
Thanks.  
Listen. You know what makes it work?  
What makes it work is that  
you put yourself into it. I like that.  
\- Good.  
\- Look, I know you're a reporter and all...  
but could you do  
a few more things like this?  
\- Sure.  
\- Great.  
\- Okay, great.  
\- And tell your dog not to feel too bad.  
Sooner or later,  
we all lose our balls.  
Hey, good to know.  
Woke up to a kiss from Marley.  
Went for a walk  
that turned into a run.  
Took an airboat ride. Wrote a column  
about the death of the Everglades.  
Planted an orange tree  
in the backyard.  
Threw sticks for Marley in the park.  
Watched him swim in the bay.  
Watched him steal some guy's Frisbee.  
Bought a new Frisbee for the guy.  
Gave Marley a bath.  
Went to work with writers'block.  
Hoped for inspiration  
to strike. Nada.  
Got a new shirt.  
Got a new keyboard.  
Got the same old paycheck.  
Went wind surfing with Sebastian.  
Met his new girlfriend Sasha.  
Met his other new girlfriend Angie.  
Watched models posing in the surf.  
Wrote a column about  
the growth of South Beach.  
Interviewed Gloria and Emilio Estefan  
at the Cordozo Hotel.  
Introduced them toJenny,  
who gushed like a teenager.  
Went shopping at the mall.  
Bought a Sharper Image pillow.  
Slept like a baby.  
Caught Marley eating the pillow.  
Hid the evidence from Jenny.  
Cleaned up Marley's vomit in the kitchen.  
Helped Jenny make dinner. Overcooked  
the spaghetti. Got into a food fight.  
Proofread Jenny's column.  
Read Sebastian's latest opus.  
Went running with Marley  
to burn off frustration.  
Didn't see him chew through the leash.  
Chased him 15 blocks.  
Had to call Jenny for a ride.  
Wrote a column about gas prices.  
Wrote a column about water prices.  
Found one tiny orange on our tree.  
Jenny very pleased with herself.  
Found my first gray hair. Found Jenny's  
first gray hair. BoughtJenny flowers.  
Rescued our new mailman from Marley.  
Rescued a U.P.S. Guy from Marley.  
Invited my parents to visit. Took them out  
to dinner at a cool place on South Beach.  
Got into a fight with Dad over the check.  
Got into a fight with Dad about money.  
Got into a fight with Jenny  
about all the fighting.  
Drove my parents to the airport.  
Listened to them complain  
about not having grandchildren.  
Tracked a hurricane  
heading for south Florida.  
Hid in the bathroom during the hurricane.  
Sat in the dark for three days.  
Wrote a column about looters.  
Wrote a column about volunteers.  
Wrote a column about the beauty  
of air conditioning.  
Watched Marley dig  
for buried treasure.  
Spent Christmas with Jen's sister  
and her family in Orlando.  
Left Marley at their house to go to Disney  
World. Had to buy 'em new baby furniture.  
SawJen light up  
around the little girls.  
Got a flat driving home.  
Wrote a column about state troopers.  
Wrote a column about toll booths.  
Went to dinner to celebrateJenny's raise.  
Tied Marley to the table.  
Marley, come here!  
Chased Marley and the table.  
Caught the table.  
Wrote a column about Marley  
pulling the table.  
Tried to write a column about  
anything but Marley. Nada.  
Picked oranges from our tree.  
Made orangejuice.  
Drove down to Miami for  
Bark in the Park Night at the Marlins game.  
Brought Marley, who turned out  
to be a real baseball fan.  
Tried to stop him from chasing  
a foul ball in the stands.  
Tried to stop him from chasing  
a foul ball on the field.  
Wrote a column about the ball game.  
Took crap from Sebastian about it.  
Met his new girlfriend.  
Can't remember her name.  
Went snorkeling with them.  
Cut my leg on a piece of coral.  
Went to the emergency room.  
Wrote a column about hospitals.  
Went to an Easter egg hunt atJenny's  
boss's house in Boca. Drank mimosas.  
Met a doctor who does  
three liposuctions a day.  
Wrote a column about nannies in Boca.  
Wrote a column about the women of Boca.  
Wrote a column  
about writing columns.  
Came home to find Jenny  
dancing with Marley.  
Tried to think of reasons  
not to have a baby now.  
Nada.  
Why don't you just  
let him off the leash?  
Because although I love him,  
I don't trust him.  
Honey, it's been two years.  
He's never had an accident.  
I know, 'cause I never  
let him off the leash.  
We're not gonna be the guys who get  
Dog Beach shut down, are we, Marley?  
Nope.  
Okay. So what's next?  
Um, ice cream?  
No. I mean on your list.  
\- My list?  
\- Jen, the list-  
Your little play list that you had when  
we got married that had the game plan.  
\- It was basically my marching orders.  
\- My plan?  
Your plan. I wanna know  
what's next. Scare me.  
\- You really wanna know?  
\- Hit me.  
\- Well, it's a toss-up between the new roof-  
\- Very practical.  
And, uh- and a baby.  
I could live with a few leaks.  
\- Really?  
\- Yeah, a couple.  
But you know, a couple leaks  
turn into maybe one big leak...  
and then that big leak becomes  
a very big responsibility.  
\- That's true.  
\- We may want to think about fixing a lot of things...  
\- before we start-  
\- Well, honey, we already fixed Marley.  
If we fix too many more things, then  
I think this conversation becomes moot.  
John, are you serious?  
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.  
\- You realize we're not talking about an actual roof here.  
\- Yes.  
I got that. About halfway  
through I picked it up.  
Good metaphor though.  
And you're not just saying this 'cause  
you think it'll lead to some funny columns?  
Honey, come on. I mean,  
if I get some funny columns...  
that's collateral damage  
I think we can live with.  
I mean, I'm ready... if you are.  
Well, instead of trying  
to have a baby...  
why don't just stop  
trying not to have one?  
\- Okay, if I'm following you  
correctly, and I think I am- - Uh-huh.  
This is the part-We head back,  
we take it off, we get it on.  
Yes, but you'll- It'll have a little  
more romance than that.  
\- Yeah, we'll get some candles, some Sade of course.  
\- Sade?  
\- Honey?  
\- Yeah?  
Did you have kibble today?  
Marley, come on. Marley, go.  
Honey, he's a dog.  
He won't know what he's looking at.  
No, no, trust me. He knows,  
and he resents the hell out of me.  
\- Go on, Marley. You have to go.  
\- Oh, baby, please focus. Focus.  
\- Okay. All right.  
\- Mm-hmm.  
Good. Good. It's even better  
than the last one.  
\- Thank you.  
\- You're very good, Grogan.  
I like that piece you did  
in Boca last week on the woman.  
\- What'd you call her?  
\- "Boca-hantas. "  
\- Is that true- She had her boobs done four times?  
\- That's what she said.  
Hysterical. And is that true  
about you and your wife?  
\- You're trying to have a kid?  
\- Well, you know, we're not really trying...  
\- 'cause we don't wanna-  
\- How does that work?  
\- What do you mean?  
\- Well, I mean, you having sex?  
\- Yeah.  
\- Did you pull the goalie?  
\- Yeah.  
\- Then you're trying.  
Congratulations. Good work.  
"Not trying" trying?  
Oh, yeah. 'Course, you'd know that  
if you ever read my column.  
Hey, all due respect, but does  
anybody ever read your column?  
Come on. I bring Marley out here  
to help you run your game...  
on these poor girls,  
and this is the thanks we get.  
\- How long you been at it?  
\- A few months.  
\- What changed your mind?  
\- Well, here's the thing.  
I'm actually married to someone...  
and I care about what she wants.  
Well, is it what you want?  
Yeah.  
\- I guess that answers my other question.  
\- Yeah?  
I'm about to do a piece  
on the growth...  
of the domestic drug trade  
for the Times magazine.  
\- You're freelancing for the New York Times?  
\- Yeah.  
Yeah, but it's a big story.  
Too big for one guy and, uh, I was  
hoping you'd write it with me.  
Are you kidding me?  
\- Be a chance for us to work together.  
\- Yeah, I would love that.  
Of course, it will be  
a lot of work, a lot of travel.  
I would hope so.  
Maybe not the best job for, uh,  
somebody with a kid on the way.  
Well, that's not necessarily  
happening right this very second.  
Let me talk it-There she is.  
\- Honey, how are you?  
\- Hi.  
I'm just calling to let you know that  
there's a naked woman in your bed.  
Why don't the two of you get started,  
and I'll be there as soon as I can?  
Oh, very funny.  
But seriously,  
can you come home now?  
Hey. We're home.  
Hi.  
You know the baby thing? I've been  
thinking, maybe we should take a break.  
You know? Obviously it's not working,  
and maybe it's nature's way...  
of saying now's  
not the right timing.  
I mean, maybe it's a sign that we're  
not quite ready for this, that-  
\- I mean, have we really thought this-  
\- John.  
I'm pregnant.  
\- Great.  
\- Mm-hmm.  
Wow. Great. Really?  
\- Yeah.  
\- Yes.  
You were-You were just saying-  
No, don't worry.  
That was, like-  
It sounds so awkward now,  
like I just have this, like...  
very, you know, idiotic  
soliloquy that doesn't apply...  
and I'm really excited.  
\- Do you want to start over?  
\- I would love to.  
\- That would be great. Can we?  
\- By all means.  
Good.  
\- I'm pregnant.  
\- What? No!  
Yes!  
Listen. Don't make  
the same mistake I did.  
\- What?  
\- There's gonna come a time very soon...  
\- where her ankles are gonna swell up.  
\- No, I'm ready for that.  
\- She's gonna have blotches all over her face.  
\- Yeah.  
She'll be 40 pounds overweight...

**defsoul:** A dog doesn't care  
if you're rich or poor...  
clever or dull, smart or dumb.  
Give 'em your heart  
and he'll give you his.  
How many people  
can you say that about?  
How many people can make you  
feel rare and pure and special?  
How many people can  
make you feel... extraordinary?

**jiyongie:** fuck off

**defsoul:** i cut out all the sad parts

_[ **defsoul** changed the chat name to **such a sad movie** ]_

**jiyongie:** don’t joke about this

 **defsoul:** it’s jinyoung and he’s not

**defsoul:** everyone’s crying 

**defsoul:** im crying too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry again


	5. this is... me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sm hater:** that’s bullshit
> 
> **sm hater:** this whole thing is bullshit
> 
> **sm hater:** that’s a scam
> 
> **sm hater:** fuck the church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ummmm,,,, this one might be boring,,,, cause it’s about me lol
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{leafers}  
[18:53]_

**sm hater:** so the relayer of these messages ask us to include some stuff about them which i think is bullshit

 **the godfather:** you’re bullshit

**sm hater:** no you’re bullshit

**flower:** so while they argue,,, the relayer is a person (obvi) and they preferred to be called lord, b, or beta so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**that builder:** they are a very avid my day if yout couldn’t tell and if they had to pick, they’d want to meet none of us cause it’s not day6 unless all five members are there!!!

**jiyongie:** they play the violin, second to be exact and first chair and volleyball!!!

**big success:** besides kpop, they listen to some rap and lots of ost’s and 80s and they aren’t like “omg i have to vote for all my favorite kpop bands!!!! omg oppa i love you”

**kermit:** i’m white and i know when to stop smh,,, one that’s weird and two that’s like,,, culture appropriation  
**this message was unsent. would you like to try again? yes _no_**

**defsoul:** their favorite tv show isn’t stranger things, their favorite character being steve since day one, and favorite movie either dirty dancing, love actually, or fantastic mr fox

**middle man:** they are very good at math and is planning to be an astrophysicist when they grow up

**sm hater:** they love memes like a lot,,, which is fucking weird like what a loser smh

**the godfather:** they also have a girlfriend!!! the love of their life!!! she’s the best!!!! she’s plays soccer and has lots of dogs!!!!

**flower:** they also like to read (fanfiction and paper) but they’re in a reading hole :((((

**that builder:** they got into kpop from their best friend showing them bts and they feel in love,,, but as you can see,,,, people change man,,,, they change

**defsoul:** their ultimate (boy) bias is jongin,,, but their exo bias is minseok,,,, weird but it works (all girls are great you can’t chose one)

**jiyongie:** their favorite song is anything on the 80s smash hits playlist on spotify or i’ll make a man out of you from mulan

**the godfather:** they love chicken, pasta, chinese food, pizza, fries, hash browns…

**flower:** if you have any questions for them, you can ask them in the comments! even if you won’t lol

**sm hater:** that’s bullshit

**sm hater:** this whole thing is bullshit

**sm hater:** that’s a scam

**sm hater:** fuck the church

* * *

“Ummmm..... Kris Wu texting bullshit again God.”

“Fuck him then. We’ll have a nice conversation then.”

“Yes... God...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> girls on film


	6. straight ahaha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **that builder:** like im not straight but
> 
> **that builder:** that was fuckinnnnn straight as hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahhaha heyyyyyyyyy i took a three hour nap while archive was down when i had like a fuck ton of famfiction saved oops
> 
> hope you appreciate more of the poetry [ifoundididntwritethisimnotanerd] lol
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{leafers}  
[21:10]_

**flower:** fuck i love day6

 **flower:** ill take a page out of yixing’s book and…

**flower:** guitarist,  
singer,  
pianst,  
bassist,  
and drummer.

five halfs  
made to be  
a perfect whole  
for me to love.

they encase  
my life   
with light.  
with motivation.

they give me a reason  
to swat away  
that gray cloud  
ever following.

as i grow older  
i start to realize  
that they helped me  
in the littlest ways.

they have been  
a constant  
in my   
ever busy life.

they remind me  
that you   
can achieve  
your dreams.

they told me   
no matter where you’re from  
or we’re you’ll be  
you can form a bond.

they teach me  
that you can  
learn to accept who you are  
and to appreciate yourself.

they tell me  
everyday  
to be who you are.  
thank you 

**flower:** fuck yeah day6

**flower:** fuck yeah

**that builder:** Uhm yeah yah

Oh gosh what a mess (Oh gosh)  
Yeah I tend to go with the flow  
Heh I fall in love again quickly  
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah)  
I only like new things, it’s sparkling  
Isn’t everyone like that, right?

Peek-A-Boo!  
Because it’s love only when you’ve got butterflies  
(La la la la la)  
All my friends yell at me that I’m such a problem!  
I’m fine fine fine fine fine fine

Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo  
Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo  
I’m a fox having fun, that’s me  
Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo

I said 1, 2, 3!  
Play the game again  
Let’s push the button, rapidly like kung fu  
Don’t be shocked if I start to feel differently in the middle  
Aren’t you attracted to me? Then Excuse me  
Hey call me so we can party all night together  
Restart a game!  
Charge, roll Blanca!

Tonight too (Let’s go!)  
The playground is crowded  
There’s no time to get bored  
(Yeah yeah yeah)  
We go round and round, everyone is the same  
Oh we finally meet eyes

Peek-A-Boo!  
It’s new, is it love  
(La la la la la)  
All my friends yell at me that I’m such a problem!  
I’m fine fine fine fine fine fine  
(Ma Boo-Boo-Boo  
Peek-A-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo)

Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo  
Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo  
Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo

We decided you’re it  
It’s gonna be fun, we’ll let you play with us  
(Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo)  
We are gonna play until  
The moon is hanging on the jungle gym  
(Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo)

Peek-A-Boo!  
It’s weird, huh you’re a little different  
We stop the game and I take a look at you again  
I’m not scared, I just felt that  
A new story is going to unfold

Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo  
Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo  
I’m a fox having fun, that’s me  
Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo

We decided you’re it  
It’s gonna be fun, we’ll let you play with us  
(Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo)  
We are gonna play until  
The moon is hanging on the jungle gym  
(Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo)

We decided you’re it  
It’s gonna be fun, I like you  
(Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo)  
We are gonna play a little more until  
The moon is hanging on the jungle gym!  
(Peek-Peek-A-Peek-A-Boo)

Peek-A-Boo  
Peek-A-Boo  
Peek-A-Boo

**that builder:** well i love red velvet

**that builder:** queens

**flower:** kings

**flower:** I’m not lonely  
I say to the night sky without any strength  
I’m okay today  
I say to myself over and over again  
After the day ends and I come back home  
I wish there was someone  
Who would tell me, good job  
And hold me  
And even now

I’m alone  
Under the moonlight  
I’m alone  
Only the cold night air  
Is by my side

Actually, I’m lonely  
I hate the night sky that has no answer

When I leave  
Tomorrow morning  
I wish there was someone  
Who would tell me, have a good day  
And even now

I’m alone  
Under the moonlight  
I’m alone  
Only the cold night air  
Is by my side

That person I’m looking for  
I’m sure that person  
Is looking at the same night sky

I’m alone  
Under the moonlight  
I’m alone  
Only the cold night air  
Is by my side

**flower:** the real poetry smh

**that builder:** i love red velvet 

**flower:** and i love day6 because they are so good to everyone,,, they teach me so much about poetry and having and appreciating a good life. i just,,,, love them

**that builder:** well we love you

**that builder:** let me take a shot at it

**that builder:** pretty girls  
are my weakness  
girls in all  
are my weakness.

they hold   
such strength and power  
that i can’t help  
but love them.

they hold up  
the pillars  
to my temple  
of love.

sometimes  
i tell the stars  
i don’t love girls.  
they know i’m lying.

i tell the stars  
to keep the legends  
of empowering  
women alive.

i tell the stars  
i love women  
for all they do  
platonic or not.

love is a  
strong word  
to describe  
women.

i adore women.  
i appreciate women.  
i honor women.  
i treat them like person.

my favorite women,  
the women  
who have done no wrong.  
red velvet.

irene,  
seulgi,  
wendy,  
joy,  
and yeri.

goddess’ among  
the mortal world.  
goddess’ among  
the corput industry.

they put their all  
and still  
don't get the recognition  
they deserve. 

they light up  
the world  
with inspiring  
lyrics. cathedrals.

lyrics that tell us  
that men  
are trash  
and we get over them.

but if you love one  
then go for it.  
you have nothing to lose  
because you're special.

you are you.  
you are amazing.  
you are strong.  
you are a women.

**that builder:** like im not straight but

**that builder:** that was fuckinnnnn straight as hell

**flower:** i’ve been blessed

**flower:** sungjin wrote me a poem

**flower:** im dying 

**that builder:** ahhhh 

**that builder:** dont die!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im running out of tricks so more poetr- BLOWJOBS
> 
>  
> 
> no guys im gay i dont like dick


	7. i’m seventeen m o m its not a phase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **jiyongie:** stan svt stan talent
> 
> **that builder:** y e s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drink water not alcohol kiddos
> 
> our song is ending clap clap
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{leafers}  
[20:36]_

**big success:** as my dear joshua once said

 **big success:** drink water not alcohol

**defsoul:** your kid cant tell me what to to

**defsoul:** i have rights !1!1!

**sm hater:** no you don’t

**flower:** do you ever lose someone seungcheol???

**big success:** e v e r y d a y

**the godfather:** Clap SEVENTEEN right here  
It’s alright, it’s alright, these things happen  
Things get all tangled up  
Like earphones in your pocket

Like when someone is on your white shirt (and then)  
When you have no money on your metro card (these times)  
Always on days like this  
It starts to rain before you go home

Why does this only happen to me?  
Weekends disappear at the blink of an eye  
If you think this is you  
Come gather here

(Guys) from now on

Clap till your hands are on fire  
Clap clap clap clap  
When the time is right, clap your hands  
Clap clap clap clap  
Over there, come here  
Let’s have fun  
Till the song is over, clap your hands  
Clap clap clap clap  
Woo clap clap clap clap  
Woo clap clap clap clap

You can try but it won’t work  
Not for you or you or you  
If it doesn’t work  
Then just try saying something like casting a spell  
Kimsuhanmu turtle and crane  
Samchungapsa dongbangsak

You know those times  
When you feel so small  
When you do as you’re told  
And you’re being so cautious

Why does this only happen to me?  
Only worries keep growing  
If you think this is you  
Come gather here

(Guys) from now on

Clap till your hands are on fire  
Clap clap clap clap  
When the time is right, clap your hands  
Clap clap clap clap  
Over there, come here  
Let’s have fun  
Till the song is over, clap your hands  
Clap clap clap clap  
Woo clap clap clap clap  
Woo clap clap clap clap

Woo clap clap clap clap  
Have some courage today  
Get under the blanket and scream

One more time  
Let’s put out that fire in your hands, clap  
Clap clap clap clap  
The song is ending, clap  
Clap clap clap clap  
Over there, come here  
Let’s have fun  
Everyone stand up and clap  
Clap clap clap clap  
Woo clap clap clap clap  
Woo clap clap clap clap

**jiyongie:** stan svt stan talent

**that builder:** y e s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can y’all tell i finally put their names to their faces


	8. good boys!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **that builder:** so day6 jumped on the bandwagon and got a…..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear to FUCKING GOD ITSELF if my FUCKINNG LINK doesnt FUCKIG WORL im gonna KILL MYSLEF GOD DMAN IT
> 
> edit: COPY AND PASTE INTO YOUR FUCKING SEARCH BAR IM DONE GOD AMFIT IT ALL
> 
> un-beta’ed

_{leafers}  
[19:15]_

**that builder:** so day6 jumped on the bandwagon and got a…..

 **sm hater:** YOU GOT A FUCIUNG DOG?!?!?!?

 **flower:** OH MU GOD M

 **that builder:** https://docs.google.com/document/d/19GRO6BZosWcZWwvSCankKJf9MlrllSSAMF4I-3b_L-8

 **jiyongie:** AHAHHAHA WHAT A GOOD BOY

 **that builder:** HE JAMS TO TRAUMA WIH JS 

**big success:** AAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHH

 **defsoul:** HE DESERVES THE WPRLD 

**the godfather:** I LIVE HIM

 **the godfather:** WHENCAN I COME OVER WJAT A GOOD BOY

 **that builder:** YALL ARE INVITED

 **that builder:** I LOVE HTIM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doggos!!!


	9. daddy (again lol)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **middle man**  
>  george washington is so daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my brothers yelling at me because i never do amything for dogs and all i did was ask him to feed them but i let them out everyday and i let them out at night in 20° weather ):)
> 
> also i got broken up with like a week ago
> 
> un-beta’ed

**leafers  
[10:35]**

**middle man**  
george washington is so daddy

 **big success**  
cant argue with that logic 

**flower**  
of course you can’t

 **big success**  
just because you dont like men doesnt mean you cant admit

 **big success**  
HES TOTO FUCKING DADDY AMTERAL

 **defsoul**  
11/10 would let fuck

 **sm hater**  
heres a thought

 **sm hater**  
austin powers

 **jiyongie**  
fuck YSS TAKE ME DADDY

 **the godfather**  
this is too gay for my ass

 **sm hater**  
we’re dating

 **the godfather**  
TOOK FUCKINNNNNNNN GAY

 **the godfather**  
trick ass bitch

 **sm hater**  
fuck off BABE

 **that builder**  
JAY FUCKING PARK

 **big success**  
thats hansol’s daddy LMAP

 **flower**  
NOW

 **flower**  
I WISH HE WOULD OENBMY ASS

 **flower**  
DADDY TAKE ME

 **big success**  
thougt you said YOU WERE HAY

 **big success**  
THOT

 **middle man**  
RESPECT FUCKINNNN OWMEN

 **middle man**  
ALL WOMEN ARE FUCKINNN QUEENS

 **defsoul**  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **jiyongie**  
motherfuckinnnnnn

 **jiyongie**  
wheres m fuckinnnnnn

 **jiyonie**  
hot canadian

**[sm hater changed their name to hot canadian]**

**hot canadian**  
right here ;)))

 **jiyongie**  
i meant hot cheeto but okay his aork atoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to my best friend with a daddy kink love you i wont we your daddy


	10. story time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **that builder**  
>  wait
> 
>  **that builder**  
>  why are your feet even bleeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol this actually happened to me except i was naked
> 
> also if youre wondering why the dance chat hasnt updated that im waiting till tuesday because i trusted it to someone and i still havent seen it but i meeded to update so ahaha wait till tuesday sorz
> 
> un-beta’ed

**leafers  
[20:45]**

**hot canadian**  
KRIS WU IS OFFICIALLY DEAD

 **the godfather**  
why babe

 **middle man**  
did you break the fan again

 **hot canadian**  
um no

 **hot canadian**  
MY FEET ARE BLEEDING

 **defsoul**  
i thought this is was for smth important

 **defsoul**  
guess not

 **big success**  
fuckunnnnn roasted

 **hot canadian**  
but seriously my feet are b l e e d i n g

 **jiyongie**  
lol k 

**flower**  
are you okay yifan?

 **hot canadian**  
finally someone who cares

 **flower**  
nah

 **flower**  
i care about junmyeon and he hasnt responded in a while

**[the godfather changed their name to w h y]**

**w h y**  
im disappointed

 **that builder**  
wait

 **that builder**  
why are your feet even bleeding 

**hot canadian**  
great question

 **hot canadian**  
i have no idea

 **hot canadian**  
im sitting down and the next thing i see are my feet b l e e d i n g

 **w h y**  
s i g h

**[w h y added gentle tofu to the chat]**

**gentle tofu**  
are you okay???

 **hot canadian**  
yeah i put a bandaid on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this is late i just want friends


	11. oh gosh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **flower**  
>  that made me feel better though
> 
>  **middle man**  
>  fuck your emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im just so tired sorry guys i’ll get better

**leafers  
[23:45]**

**flower**  
god i make so many mistakes

 **flower**  
i’m so inconsistant

 **flower**  
maybe its my girlfriends

 **middle man**  
all women are queens joohyun

 **flower**  
i know i just

 **flower**  
i feel ungrateful and guilty

 **middle man**  
emotions suck my dude

 **middle man**  
i wish i could help you but the brian is stupid

 **that builder**  
i’ll be sure to tell brian such

**[that builder’s display name is now snake]**

**middle man**  
f u c k o f f

 **flower**  
that made me feel better though

 **middle man**  
fuck your emotions

 **flower**  
:((((

 **snake**  
gasp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you


End file.
